On Long Distance Relationships…

Let me just put it out there- long distance relationships suck.  I honestly don’t understand how anyone would willingly enter them without any plan to move closer to each other very soon.   And although, I accidentally stumbled into one, I only find comfort in knowing he is more than worth it.  Other than that, I would never recommend it.   I would have paid good money in betting that I would never be in one myself.  But alas, here we are.
Contrarily, I believe that this initial distance has actually been beneficial to [re-]establishing a solid foundation for our relationship.  In being forced to only talk has created an open and honest dialogue about our past, present, and future…minus the physical aspect.  You know once sex enters the picture it is hard to determine how much you like the person from how much you like your interactions.  The lines easily blur past that point and it is easy to become confused.  Plus, some men are willing to say and do anything to make you feel as comfortable as possible to give them your body.  So when that is not available for elongated periods it gives a clearer picture of their intent.
This brings me to the second benefit of long distance relationships is because it requires absolute consistency and trust.  I put these together because I believe consistency feeds trust and trust will fuel the relationship.  We make a point to make time for each other consistently.  And even when life is hectic there is open communication and feedback, not because anyone has to check in but because in a long distance, doubt is the enemy.  All of which brings us back full circle to communication.  I thought I was good at it but I realized that I have grown accustomed to rely more on written and non-verbal communication than actually speaking my mind.
Other than the listed, yeah, long distance relationships pretty much suck! I appreciate this experience but I am grateful we’re working to eliminate the long distance out of this relationship.

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Love Is Not a Guessing Game…

If there is one thing I’ve learned (or relearned) recently, it is that love is not vague or ambiguous.  We have all been there where we are trying to figure what someone’s words or actions really means.  Women are especially prone to dissect every word of a text or tweet to find some latent, underlying deep profession of love- that 99% of the time is not there.
When you like someone it is easy, for both men and women, to create their own fantasies about a relationship that can have absolutely nothing to do with reality.  For example, if a lady goes out on a date with a man twice, he may say that she is his girlfriend when in reality, she is not.  Women often take the activities immediately before and immediately after a sexual encounter to mean more than the just sex it is.  Anything done right around that time span is just a mean to get sex and get more sex, it is not a relationship nor the foundation for one.  Then there are often the gray lines of friendship and sex where you can love a person as a friend and love the sex but doesn’t mean that one is in love with you or wants to go beyond the parameter of a friendship.  But as emotional creatures, as a defense mechanism and to justify our unsupported impulses to garner love, we hang on to the belief that there is more just if—the time was right, or he was single, or I tried a little harder, or I was a little smaller, or a little freakier. Or (my favorite) “I don’t even want a relationship” claim.   While some may not want a relationship, it is the ones that state that sentiment that yet do very “relationshipy” things in order to prove they are in fact relationship material.
Love, however, is not a guessing game.  It is very clear about its identity and goes through every effort to make it known to its intended recipient.  Love is full of the “good mornings” and “how is your days.”  It is the listening. digesting, and recalling.  It is caring enough to be moved into action.  Love is transparent and it is available.  Love is never too busy to return calls, texts, or emails.  Love prefers to see you over a call and a call over a text.  It is personal.  Love is not a subtle hint or a hidden code.  And while it can be shown in countless ways depending on the individual, it will always be an effort outside of your normal comfort zone.  It makes sure it leaves with no question about what it is and what its purpose is.  It is kinda obvious.

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