The Gamble: An Open Letter to Him

Sometimes, I just need a break.  It is not that I am not interested in you or don’t think you are wonderful; I just need some time away to better myself.  You, men, are a distraction that right now I can’t afford to have. You, men, can easily take time off to pursue your academic and professional endeavors, but I, a woman, receive the side-eye when I say right now that last thing on my mind is dating.  No, I am not jaded or bitter.  I am merely not interested…at least not right now…I can’t right now.
I am past the point in my life where I am dating for the sake of dating, so when I date, I will date with purpose.  I already know the type of men I am attracted to which is the same type of men I attract: the ambitious.  Well actually anyone can be ambitious, but I have a tendency to fall in love with the ones that have ambition and actively pursue their dreams.   These men that steal my heart will inevitably become the leaders that shape our world for the better.
But I have to ensure I have some things to of my own to bring to the table.  My profound thoughts, my accomplishments, my realized potential, my satisfaction are all things I want…no, that I need to bring to the table in my next relationship.  And now, I am lacking in some areas.  So despite of my love for you, I don’t think it is fair to you or to me to put myself in a situation where resentment may grow and fester.  I know you are thinking, we can do this together. We probably could or there is the slight chance that my dreams may get lost in the shuffle of life and love.  I can’t let that happen again.  Time is too precious and too sparse.  Subsequently, I will be over here working, writing, schooling, and achieving until I am satisfied with what I bring to the table of excellence.  I will do this until success no longer feels like the grind but routine.  In the meantime, I will be having the time of life.  I will do everything I want to do.  I will invite you along and vice versa, but the feelings, emotions, and commitment will be left at the coat check.  And I can only pray that you, Mr. Perfect for Me, will still be there when I am ready to go with you.

Painting a Perfect Picture: The Art of Dating

It seems dating is a lost art.  Once upon a time, a man had to woo and court a woman to get her allegiance.  Men took pride in going all out to win the heart of a woman.  Nowadays, dates have been reduced to movie night at each other’s house.  Or if you are lucky, you will get dinner at Cheddar’s or some other generic low-end restaurant chain.
I personally don’t date or attract the men that think this is acceptable, but that is a post for another day.  Nevertheless, I am not sure if the problem is more of the men not knowing how it should be done or the women that are easily amused and impressed.  Either way, here are some examples of dates done right because some of you don’t have a clue.
Best date– Actually it was our very first date and he set quite the standard.  While living in Dallas, I had a habit of frequenting Houston, to get away from the boredom of Dallas’ social scene.  So when he asked if I could make it down one particular Friday, I was down.  I sneaked out of work early to beat some of the traffic, made it to Houston, and begin to get dressed.   I had no idea what the night had in store, so I decided dressy casual was the way to go. So when he picked me up (that’s right, he needs to pick you up, not you drive, and not you meet him there.  I don’t care how high gas is or how out of the way it may be,) he was very relaxed and laid back and set that set the tone for the entire night… so I thought.  The first stop was a very quaint and intimate Thai restaurant.  I asked him how he knew I loved Thai food.  He said I mentioned it once.  So I decided my entrée and told him.  When the waiter came, he ordered for us. So we began to talk and the chemistry was just crazy.  The food was superb.  We sat there for a while just enjoying each other’s conversation.   Then he asked if I was up for some live music, and I reply yes, of course.  I thought we were headed to a nice jazz spot or something along those lines, but we made our way to a bigger venue.  I immediately see signs for Jazmine Sullivan and I was like oh okay, this will be cool.   But as we make our way to our floor seats, she is already performing so I am thinking we were late, though it was no big deal because of the great conversation.   She finishes and everyone around us is getting excited about the next act, but no one is saying the name of the artist.  It was a crazy conspiracy.  Imagine my face when the music begins to play for “‘Til the Cops Come Knockin’,” Maxwell’s first single.  Yeah, he said it was priceless too.  You see, I LOVE surprises and this was just beyond amazing.  Later, after I had composed myself, I asked how he knew I loved Maxwell, and he replied I had mentioned once on a facebook status.  His attention to detail was leaps and bounds more than what I had expected for our first date.  So after the Maxwell concert, yes there is more, he took me to a little hole in a wall place that had the best root beer floats.  And we continued to talk, although honestly by this point I was flabbergasted and very short on complete thoughts. When we eventually made our way back to where I was staying, and he got out of the car and walked me to my entrance.   We exchanged a sweet and simple kiss and he went home.  There was no mentioning of sex, no trying to stay, or anything to ruin the innocence of this perfect date.  He was the perfect gentleman. Yeah, I may need to go ahead and marry him.
Anyway, I know you are probably thinking it is easy to be romantic with lots of money so I will give you a quick example of the best free date I have ever had.  It was my freshman year in college when no one had any money or a car.  Despite this, the gentleman still came to my dorm to get me so we could walk to the metro (DC train and bus system) together.  We ended up near the Lincoln Memorial and we begin to walk and talk.  As we went along the way, he would give me some history about some of the landmarks.  I asked him how he knew the information and he said he looked it up the day before. I told him I had done a few of the city tours before with my family.  He said he had figured that, but asked if I had ever seen the national mall at night?  I looked around and noticed the sun was indeed setting.  We continued to talk and walk until we made it to the US Capitol building.  He was right.  It was breathtaking at night.  His thoughtfulness and that view was the perfect gift.
What were some of your best dates?  What is the greatest thing a man has done to win you?

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She’s Single for the Night

Not all women use sex to audition for a relationship. Some women see sex as just sex. There are no emotions involved on their end. There are no phone calls the next day or the next week. As of matter, of fact these women don’t even call but reduce all communication to text -time, date, and place. She wants no hugs, no elongated kisses, and no lingering. And no, these women don’t deserve the label of whore just because they know exactly what they want and the exact means to get it.

The prey for tonight has been spot. The lure begins.

Some women enjoy the game- the chase, the lure, and the catch. And no, they are not bitter and lashing out vaginally, they just don’t desire the headache of a relationship. They are simply wired differently, like Sex in the City’s Samantha. Like the leading cast would suggest, the odds of finding a woman capable of getting in and keep it moving is probably 1 out of 4. Most will become emotionally invested on some level. And while most men dream of finding women capable of recreational sex, these same men are often crushed when they find out they are only prey caught in her trap.
Some women are jaded and are lashing out vaginally. They were hurt one too many times and now are numb to it all. They use sex to band-aid emotional, physical, and psychological scars. It is a quick fix for these women like a drug, alcohol, or shopping. However, their lack of emotion is not by choice, they simply have no more emotions to give.
Some women are just cheating. These women may be in love or not, but they are certainly bored with their home life…and their man. Like men, some women cheat just to see how long they can go before getting caught. It is an adrindinle rush to these thrill-chasers. While it is an affair, it is only a physical one void of any emotional or love. And if by some chance, she gets caught by messing with a crazy stalker dude, this is the defense she will give- the same one her last boyfriend gave her.