One Strike & You’re Out

Life is seldom perfect.  People very rarely meet all of your expectations, unless you have no expectations at all.  Nonetheless, we find a way to overcome challenges and find a way to keep smiling and enjoying life.  We know eventually the tears will stop and better days are ahead.  However, that tenacity to push through life doesn’t always translate into our relationships.  A reader recently reached out to vent about her boyfriend who every time a problem comes up his solution is to leave the relationship.  Sometimes there are valid reasons to leave, but most times men are just scared and lack emotional problem solving skills.
We, as people, have been trained to find the easiest route at all costs.  It is the American way.  It has translated into our education, careers, and our relationships.  And with so many failed marriages, unstable homes, and absent fathers there is no wonder that men often feel the best solution to a problem is to run.
The abundance of women willing to jump in and take a woman’s place doesn’t make it any easier to convince a man to work through an issue. Thus the result of asking for out anytime there is any type of disagreement in an otherwise normal and healthy relationship.   Little is publicized about the benefits of working through problems because very few nowadays get to the other side of their problems together. However, the bond and trust that evolves after facing obstacles, using your words to address them, and tackling the problems together is more than worthwhile and in essence becomes the foundation of a stable “we can work through anything” relationship!

Like This!

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Advertisements

Trickin’, Sponsorships, & Taking Care: The Breakdown

A good friend at frontfree always says “it is indeed still trickin’ if you got it, even more so.”  Truer words have never been spoken.  But how do you draw the fine lines between what is trickin’, sponsorship, and simply taking good care of your woman?  I got the breakdown.
Trickin’: It is trickin’ if a man is spending  exorbitant amounts of money on a woman and getting little to nothing in return.  This woman may or may not be having sex with you but that doesn’t matter to the man because he is mostly in it for the enjoyment and/or attractiveness of her company.  The most distinguishing of factors are a lack of any kind of relationship and the woman has little to no respect for the man.  The man may also have little to no respect for the woman.  But respect is not a factor, only money and the things his money can buy are important to her.
Sponsorship: Well, sponsors donate to make an event happen or better.  In exchange for running a marathon, or hosting a charity gala, or promoting a cause companies will graciously donate money and services in exchange for involvement and advertisement.  Similarly, women who have sponsors are exchanging services for goods or goods for services.  I’m not calling anyone a ho or anything, I am just saying you have to be doing something to be sponsored.  Even if the interests and rewards are lopsided, both parties must gain something of value, otherwise please refer to trickin.
Taking Care of a Woman: Whereas any ole body will do for the previous categories, she only accepts gifts from one man.  They are in a committed relationship and love and respect each other.  He is willing to do anything for her because she is willing to do anything for him.  She has proven and established her worth and he recognizes it.  Any woman can have a dude trickin or get a sponsor, but it takes a special lady to have the only man she respects and loves make sure that he gives her the best of whatever he has.

The Sprung Man Syndrome

Women are not the only ones capable of becoming too wrapped up in a relationship or man and catching the Clingy Girl Syndrome (CGS). Everyday another man is lost to the whip appeal of a woman and thus becomes sprung.  When men love, they can easily go harder than any woman and develop a severe case of Sprung Man Syndrome (SMS).
While all women say they want to be loved and adored yet continuously date men that treat them the complete opposite, constant and continuous tending to is nothing short of annoying.  Here are few surefire ways to keep your manhood…and keep her interest.
1) Say NO every 20th time. I know the ladies are not going to feel me on this, but I must say it because it is true.  As a man, you can NOT do whatever she wants, when she wants, how she wants.  ALL women will abuse your niceness.  So you have to systematically exercise your mandom and just say no.  If you are unsure when to apply your no’s just go with every 20th request.  I don’t care if it is something you would normally do without thought.  She comes in and asks ever so sweetly, “Babe, you mind helping me out with the rest of the groceries in the car?”  You check your tally and if this is the 20th request you reply in the sweetest way possible “No,” and watch her struggle and act like you are really into Pardon the Interruption.  You will be called every name in the book, but you will maintain your mandom.
2) Be unavailable: Do you find yourself picking up her call before the first ring is even complete?   Stop that.  Just don’t answer sometimes. It is okay, she will be alright.  I am by NO means saying cheat or lead her to believe you are cheating, but just be busy doing other things sometimes.  Play basketball, enjoy a round of golf, read a book at the library, or do whatever you did before her to relax and enjoy yourself.  These are things that attracted her to you in the first place.
3) The Even Exchange: Don’t let her continue to drag you to every chick flick and not make her watch your dumb guy movies.  You have to go shopping with her then she has to watch the game later with you.  I realize these are gross generalizations, but you get the idea.  Relationships can easily become full of compromises where one no longer recognizes the other, or it can be a beautiful combination of who you both already are.
Be a beautiful combination.

Painting a Perfect Picture: The Art of Dating

It seems dating is a lost art.  Once upon a time, a man had to woo and court a woman to get her allegiance.  Men took pride in going all out to win the heart of a woman.  Nowadays, dates have been reduced to movie night at each other’s house.  Or if you are lucky, you will get dinner at Cheddar’s or some other generic low-end restaurant chain.
I personally don’t date or attract the men that think this is acceptable, but that is a post for another day.  Nevertheless, I am not sure if the problem is more of the men not knowing how it should be done or the women that are easily amused and impressed.  Either way, here are some examples of dates done right because some of you don’t have a clue.
Best date– Actually it was our very first date and he set quite the standard.  While living in Dallas, I had a habit of frequenting Houston, to get away from the boredom of Dallas’ social scene.  So when he asked if I could make it down one particular Friday, I was down.  I sneaked out of work early to beat some of the traffic, made it to Houston, and begin to get dressed.   I had no idea what the night had in store, so I decided dressy casual was the way to go. So when he picked me up (that’s right, he needs to pick you up, not you drive, and not you meet him there.  I don’t care how high gas is or how out of the way it may be,) he was very relaxed and laid back and set that set the tone for the entire night… so I thought.  The first stop was a very quaint and intimate Thai restaurant.  I asked him how he knew I loved Thai food.  He said I mentioned it once.  So I decided my entrée and told him.  When the waiter came, he ordered for us. So we began to talk and the chemistry was just crazy.  The food was superb.  We sat there for a while just enjoying each other’s conversation.   Then he asked if I was up for some live music, and I reply yes, of course.  I thought we were headed to a nice jazz spot or something along those lines, but we made our way to a bigger venue.  I immediately see signs for Jazmine Sullivan and I was like oh okay, this will be cool.   But as we make our way to our floor seats, she is already performing so I am thinking we were late, though it was no big deal because of the great conversation.   She finishes and everyone around us is getting excited about the next act, but no one is saying the name of the artist.  It was a crazy conspiracy.  Imagine my face when the music begins to play for “‘Til the Cops Come Knockin’,” Maxwell’s first single.  Yeah, he said it was priceless too.  You see, I LOVE surprises and this was just beyond amazing.  Later, after I had composed myself, I asked how he knew I loved Maxwell, and he replied I had mentioned once on a facebook status.  His attention to detail was leaps and bounds more than what I had expected for our first date.  So after the Maxwell concert, yes there is more, he took me to a little hole in a wall place that had the best root beer floats.  And we continued to talk, although honestly by this point I was flabbergasted and very short on complete thoughts. When we eventually made our way back to where I was staying, and he got out of the car and walked me to my entrance.   We exchanged a sweet and simple kiss and he went home.  There was no mentioning of sex, no trying to stay, or anything to ruin the innocence of this perfect date.  He was the perfect gentleman. Yeah, I may need to go ahead and marry him.
Anyway, I know you are probably thinking it is easy to be romantic with lots of money so I will give you a quick example of the best free date I have ever had.  It was my freshman year in college when no one had any money or a car.  Despite this, the gentleman still came to my dorm to get me so we could walk to the metro (DC train and bus system) together.  We ended up near the Lincoln Memorial and we begin to walk and talk.  As we went along the way, he would give me some history about some of the landmarks.  I asked him how he knew the information and he said he looked it up the day before. I told him I had done a few of the city tours before with my family.  He said he had figured that, but asked if I had ever seen the national mall at night?  I looked around and noticed the sun was indeed setting.  We continued to talk and walk until we made it to the US Capitol building.  He was right.  It was breathtaking at night.  His thoughtfulness and that view was the perfect gift.
What were some of your best dates?  What is the greatest thing a man has done to win you?

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine