You Can’t Turn a Jump-Off into a Husband

August 30, 2010 3 Comments

We have all heard of the phrase, “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.” It was once widely accepted as an universal truth.  However, that seems to be less and less the case nowadays.  But there is a much lesser known phrase that still holds true: “You can’t turn your jump-off into your husband.”  Well actually, it was just some insight a friend shared this weekend that I felt needed to be shared with the masses.
Men, most men, have very clear and distinct separation of someone they would marry versus someone in whom they would just have sex.  Hell, they even have standards between who they would be in a relationship with versus who they would marry.  The traits a man wants his wife to possess are typically more defined and enforced than someone who would never be a potential wife.
Women seem to not have that standard.  Oh there is the standard in theory!  Some women go as far as to make detailed lists and vision boards of their dream husband.  Contrarily in actual practice, it is take whatever you can get mentality.  If he only offers sex, you’ll take that.  If it is dating, you take that. And if he wants a relationship then you’ve hit gold and from there you readjust the list of things that are important to you to fit who he really is and willing to offer.  But women, like men, must embrace the you can’t turn your jump-off into your husband philosophy.  Allow that man only the opportunity to serve whatever role in which he is currently qualified. Just like companies don’t hire people that haven’t finished sixth grade to be CEO, you shouldn’t allow a man that doesn’t meet your minimum requirements for a husband take up space, time, and resources that should only be available to someone worth it.  And honestly, if he is worth it, he won’t take away from, he will only add to your overall well being and way of life.
It is the holding on of things less than what we desire that inhibits us from receiving what we really want and what we really need.  It is also the amplifying of the mundane that distract us from the real goal and lowers our standards and expectations.  So if you have a jump-off, let him be just that- ONLY that.  Definitely don’t make him your live-in boyfriend and give him husband access.  Reserve that for the right one.  Keep your standards.

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There is a Man

May 20, 2010 7 Comments

It would be easier for me to write about the dude who blatantly and repeatedly denied the paternity of his son since it is on the forefront of my brain right now…
However, I would rather tell you the story about the man, who when needed, interceded on behalf of another man that chose to be absent during the pregnancy of his child.  This man cooked, cleaned, and carried the load of a friend that couldn’t do it all at the time. This man had no relation to this woman he decided to help and asked nothing in return; he just saw a need and decided to step in…or rather, step up.
And then I got to thinking about the man, who works days, go to school at night, and mentors at the community center on Saturday mornings.  He teaches young boys how to enhance their math, reading, and writing skills.  However, his presence teaches them a greater lesson: that you can be cool, black, young and successful without being an athlete, rapper, or entertainer.  You see, he designs video games, and to these kids, he is way cooler than Kobe.
There is a man who takes pride in taking care of his child.  He loves to play with him.  He refuses to let his frayed relationship with the child’s mother interfere with the quality time he spends with his child.  The idea of being a “weekend father” is ridiculous and insufficient to meet his standard of fatherhood…of manhood.
There is also a man, who decided to marry the love of his life.  He felt she deserved the title since she performed the duties.  He made the conscious decision if he started a family, it would be with her under the umbrella of marriage.  He is committed to this one woman.  She is his best friend.   When she has a long day, he rubs her head until she falls asleep in her lap. This makes his day.
These men are under 30, degreed, drug-free, noncriminal, successful….and are black.  But their story will never be told because the world doesn’t want you to know they exist.

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