Talking to Your Man: Achieving the Desired Results

Welcome to another edition of Light Fridays

Overnight, the news footage of Antoine “Hide Yo Wife, Hide Yo Kids” Dodson went viral.  Everyone’s timeline was full of quotes and links to the video.  One husband went as far to make a picture of Antoine Dodson his profile picture.  I actually laughed when I saw it, but his wife didn’t think it was the most appropriate picture to represent him and in essence represent her and their family, which is completely understandable.  Her public approach to the situation was unlike anything I have ever seen a black woman ever do.
She simply said, “When people check my profile and it’s says married to “Mr. such & such”, your new profile pic is displayed.  Something to think about…”
Her approach was much different than my lifelong approach of “I’ma need for you do x, y, and z.”  I have seen many other women do it before me and it seemed effective enough.  Well, until resentment of being spoken to like a child set in and right before he left… That in mind, I felt it was necessary to create a quick guide for women to translate what they want to how they should say it to achieve the desired results with his manhood in tack.

What You Want to Say

What You Should Say

If you go out one more night to kick it with your boys while I sit home with the kids, it will be a problem
“Oh you are going out with your friends again tonight? No problem, “Kids, your daddy wants to take you out tonight with his friends.’  Babe, I will have the kids stuff together so they will be ready to go with you.”
Damn, I know I asked you take out the trash yesterday
He says,” Hey babe, you seen my keys.” You reply,” Um yeah I did.  I think your house key is at the bottom of the trash can and your car key is in the outside trash bin. I think.”
Stop leaving your dirty dishes all over the place.
“Hey dear, I’ve noticed you are always too tired to take your dishes to the kitchen after you eat, so I looked into hiring a (male) housekeeper and he will be approximately $350 per week. I figured that would be more important than your golf membership.”
If you play one more video game I am throwing that system out of the window.
“I know you really like that game, but I really wanted to spend some times with you this evening.  And afterward we can stop by game store to see if they have anything new you many want.“
Get off that couch and come help me with these groceries.  You wanna eat right?
“Hey hun, I am leaving the grocery store and headed home.  I stocked up and got your favorites.  You mind meeting me outside in a few minutes to bring everything inside the house?

Hey, I am still a novice at this new form of communication.

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I Was a Killer

Women have killed many men.  The men that stood proud, the men that simply stood, and the men that didn’t know how to stand yet have all been victims to a woman’s words.  These words can kill spirits, dreams, and ambitions in one argument.  One might argue this is a defense mechanism making up in words what women lack in statue and strength.  I would argue it is a feeble attempt to revenge a bruised heart and battered hopes.
I don’t know when I became a killer.  I don’t know if my need to make him feel like the lowest of lows were warranted by his initial actions.  They were probably not.  I think the first time I killed with words I felt bad…I think.  However, the power to hurt, like I was hurting, outweighed my residual remorse.   It was not until then, when I cut below the belt, that I finally evoked a real sense of hurt out of a man that resembled the hurt I had.  I smirked.  It felt good.  And for a while, things were better.  He seemed to understand whatever point I was trying to make.  But that was always short-lived and so I would dig in my bag and pull out my words so I could kill again.
With time, I became a master at this craft of killing, a sniper if you will.  I took what I had learned from one relationship to the next, more hurt to the next, more vicious to the next.  In each relationship it got easier…funnier.  Like clockwork, after the honeymoon period was over, I would attack.  Then one day, I had nothing but time to do a body count and evaluate all of the damage I had done.  I thought about everything I deliberately said to destroy.  It was that day I decided to become a builder.  I was no longer interested in making men that I supposedly love feel emasculated.  That thrill was gone.
I knew my words still had power, but now they were used to uplift and empower.  “You ain’t shit” was replaced with “Baby keep trying because I know you can do it.”  I saw my relationships change and, for once, grow.  It was a pleasant change from the crash and burn method previously used.  However, I never imagined my words had the power to heal my once broken relationships.  And with the new relationships and the mended relationships, my words eventually healed me.

He Says, She Hears

As always, I’m keeping it light on Fridays.

Men and women do not understand each other.  We speak two different languages.  I will make absolutely no claim to understand the lack of effective communication of men.  I can, however, speak on behalf of women.
He Says…
She Hears…
I can’t
I don’t want to
I shouldn’t
I’m about to
I should
I’m not going to
It doesn’t matter
It isn’t important enough for me to think about
I don’t know
I do know, but it will cause an argument
I’m kicking it with the boys
I don’t feel like being bothered with you tonight
We’re just friends
That’s my ex and we occasionally still sleep with each other
I’m not ready to get married
I haven’t found what I have been looking for before you but maybe you can change that.
I’m running late
You’re not that important to me so I’ll get there when I feel like it, Michelle*!!!!
*see, Boondocks Season 3, Episode 1
Any others??? Let me know!

*contributions made by Tori Griffin

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