Paying it Forward

As I play this game of WWF (Words with Friends, yes I’m an addict), I can’t help but wonder if what they say is true.  Am I too forgiving?  Do I overlook too many faults??
I am not convinced there is such a thing- being too forgiving.  Maybe there is. Maybe he is not worth my forgiveness after the gravest act of treason.  But that was years ago. How long are you supposed to hold a grudge?  Forever?  Who does that benefit?  Not me.  Not my heart.  Not my growth.
I know it is not the forgiveness that upsets people but it is reestablishment of friendship like nothing bad ever happened.  I believe it is the restoration of trust that sends them over the edge.  Yes, I believe that is the kicker.
I forgive because I know the God can change anyone at any time using anything, anybody or any experience.  I am not the same person I was last month, and definitely not the person I was three years ago.  I’d like to think I’ve progressed, moved closer to the mark.  Some days I am not so sure, and I wonder if I am only circling the perimeter by allowing people back in my life.  Then I convince myself it is only circling the perimeter if no one has grown… only if no lessons have been learned.  And then, once again, I waiver back and forth if any lessons have been learned.
One thing I know for sure is forgiveness is more than a state of mind, it requires action.  If you treat a person with the same stank attitude, the same vindictive actions as you did while you were upset, then how is one to tell the difference?  I typically bypass this step all together.  It’s such a waste of time and energy.
I thought with as much forgiveness as I hand out that forgiveness would automatically be bestowed to me.  That has not been the case, by far.  This ridiculously high pedestal some people have me on is absurd.  I don’t even like pedestals.  Pedestals are for the inanimate ornaments and are not designed for mere humans.  And while I can’t control other’s actions, I can control my own. It is with that at the forefront that I forgive in the same manner I wish to be forgiven on that imminent judgment day- completely.  And for once, I will make sure I don’t neglect to forgive the most important person-myself.

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