Sorting Through The Rift: A Guide for Good Men Seeking Good Women

I consider it a privilege to have made friends with so many good men.  It is with my recent conversations with some of them that I have concluded one thing: Good Men are indeed looking for Good Women!  What a relief!  For a while there, I believed that good men often went with the ones who caught their attention regardless if the woman was a good one or not.  And well, we all are aware to what lengths a woman will go to get a man’s attention.  So I was surprised when several men explained that they actually want a woman of substance and quality- both of which are relative to each individual.

So then I asked “What is the problem??  What is so hard about finding a good woman- there are millions of them. I know plenty- all single and all beautiful- inside and out.”  It seems the problem successful, good men have is sorting through the rift- trying to determine which women are good from which ones are only good looking.

However, it seems most men go about looking for good women the same way they go about looking for one-nighters.  They go to the same places, use the same conversation, and wear the same fits yet somehow expect to garner quality girls out of the exact game used to garner boppers.

When I told a friend that he was too proud of his accomplishments, he was puzzled.  I explained that he was quick to respond with his profession and position when asked, “What do you do?”  He, like most men, enjoys catching happy hour with a tailored business suit, and clicking the keyless entry to his nice car.  They love the attention they receive and are proud of the success that has accompanied their hard work.  And while they should indeed be very proud, displaying the results will more often than not attract boppers more interested in the package than the person.  I told him that while I love dressing up and getting all fly, I would never date a guy that I meet at my best for two reasons a) I don’t always look like that and b) it is really easy to love and confuse the outer with the inner.  If a man catches me in my sweats and hoodie with my hair in a ponytail, he will get more of time than when I am in heels and a dress (back when I was still in the game, of course 🙂 )

My advice to him and other good men in his position is to play it down. “What down?” he questioned.  “Everything,” I answered.

Wardrobe: Instead of going to Happy Hour at one of the nicest restaurants in town wearing your nicest suit, maybe you should go in a casual button up and some slacks…or better yet, a red polo and khakis and make a name tag- look like you work for Target. Take note of who looks your way and how women respond to your approach.  Instant eliminator.  If and when you find one that is genuinely nice and interested after you introduce yourself and not rude, and doesn’t roll her eyes, and doesn’t pick up her phone to tweet that this dude from Target is trying to holla, and she isn’t laughing at you, then you proceed.

Profession: In no way do I promote lying at any point in any relationship, however sometimes successful men must become creative in answering the what you do for a living two minutes after meeting a girl.  Answering that question with doctor, lawyer, engineer, or business owner and you might as well have said your name was Money.  Instead of saying,” I’m a doctor,” tell her that you are a caregiver for the elderly or a public health advocate.  If you are a lawyer tell her that you are a social activist or a creative writer.  The point is to sound like you make the least amount of money possible.  The closer your job description sounds to volunteering, the better!

Places: Going to same type of spot night after night and weekend after weekend, you are only going to meet the same type of people if not see the same people all together.  Change it up.  Go to a museum on the weekend or catch a play after work, and really begin to broaden your network and meet some new faces and new personalities.  In doing this, you not only open the door to meet more quality people than the club offers but you heighten what you bring to the table as well.  Because once you meet this good, quality woman, she is going to want you to be able to talk about more than what you do for a living and what happened at the club last night.