His Safe Place

We all have layers.  In our technological age, frequent use of social networking sites such as twitter and facebook can begin to unravel some of our layers.  Women on social sites, as reflected in life, seem to be more open and comfortable sharing most, if not all, of their layers in both a public and private environment.  Men, even the most social of them, have two separate distinct personas- the one for public consumption and the private one.

As women, we can often share our most personal experiences with strangers.  Even the most elusive women begin to open up after significant time and experiences are shared.  However with men, neither time nor experience are the determining factors for him to begin to take off his public persona and expose his innermost self.  This self is the one that doesn’t hide behind humor, pride, or a performance.  Instead, it reveals his true perspectives, emotions, fears and limitations.

Women have the tendency to erroneously conclude if intimate acts are exchanged then you automatically are privy to a man’s innermost self.  Women also believe that sharing their innermost thoughts and fears should persuade a man to do the same.  It doesn’t work that way.  In my experiences, it takes a special kind of mutual trust for a man to open up and let his guard down.  He has to not only trust the woman on a basic level.  He has to trust that she will not ridicule him.  He has to trust that she will not tell another soul, not even her best girlfriend.  And the most important thing [that separates the wives from the pack] is he has to trust that whatever shared will never, ever be used as a weapon of attack against him.  The upper echelon of women will do anything in their power to make it better.  Then and only then has a woman created his safe place- a place where his true self, void of any pretenses, are completely safe.

The odd thing about successfully creating a man’s safe place is that there is never any prior notice.  A man will not announce it to you.  There will be no cards, flowers, or dinner to celebrate the momentous occasion.  There will just be a day… when the weight of the world is on his shoulders… or he losses someone special…or he has a new brilliant idea, and he will come… to you.