I recently entered a heated debate with a young black man that proceeded to volunteer his thoughts on the high percentage of black children born out of wedlock. 72%, yes, it is alarming. He essentially blamed it all on black women by stating it is our fault that we continue to engage in pre-marital sex with men that ain’t bout sh*t. I asked him two things.
Me: Have you ever engaged in pre-marital sex with a black woman?
Him: Yes
Me: If any of those women were to get pregnant, are there any you wouldn’t marry??
Him: Yes, I wouldn’t marry most of t them.
Me: Well, then sir you too are part of the problem.
While the data is bad, from every angle- terrible, it doesn’t mean that 72% of black children aren’t actively fathered. There are lots of black men, though they are not with their child’s mother, are an active and involved fathers. Sadly, you can look in our communities and realize this is not the majority.
Sadly, men do not come with nutritional labels.
The more pressing issue is that most women don’t knowingly engage in baby-producing activities with men they know ain’t about nothing. Men aren’t labeled like food to give ingredients and percentages of how much sh*t they contain. Are there indicators? Certainly. The inability to maintain a job, not taking care of the kids he already has, and overall disrespectful demeanors toward women are all huge red flags. I am not talking about those obvious signs. I am talking about becoming involved with educated, well-employed, seemingly respectful men that still aren’t about taking care of their responsibilities. There are no huge red flags. The lies are so crafty you don’t know he lying until it is too late. Sometimes bad men wear the same attire, hang at the same places, and go to the same churches as the good ones. It is not until it all hits the fan can you determine the real good men from the imposters. Hell, by that time it is usually too late.
So I don’t know these women having multiple babies by trifling men. One child?? Yes. More than one, no. If they have more than one kid with the man at the very least he is actively fathering their children. If a woman continues to have children by a man that has shown he doesn’t take care of his kids, then yes, we can agree that the woman is a huge part the problem. But I am tired of “good” black men blaming our social ills on black women without taking a good look in the mirror first. Most times, these good black men have just gotten lucky and/or spared an opportunity to show their true colors. And if you are truly such a good man, then instead of downing women, fill in the gap for the men that fall short so the cycle won’t continue. Then and only then can you pat yourself on the back.
I am not sure why I was allowed to watch The Golden Girls at such a young age. Of course, most of the sexual innuendos flew right over my head, but still highly inappropriate. As an adult, I can appreciate the show even more for its unprecedented humor from a woman’s point of view. Aside from the sex, The Golden Girls managed to touch on just about every social issue of its time from racism, interracial dating, unwed pregnancies, homosexuality, Alzheimer’s and other social injustices.
One of my favorite stores is
The Mocha Café 