Rather Hear It From a Man?

I’ve heard several times over the years that women shouldn’t seek relationship advice from other women.  Others have gone as far to say it doesn’t matter if the woman is single, in a relationship, or married that all relationship advice for women should come from a man.  Well, of course that has never sat well with me.
Before I completely dismiss the ridiculous notion of the statement, I will say it is possible for a woman to give another woman bad advice, of course.  It is also possible for a man to give a woman piss poor bad advice as well.  I believe the claim is based on an assumption that all single women are bitter and women in a relationship don’t want you to be happy either, which to say at the least, is erroneous.  Not all single women are unhappy or bitter.  Women in general typically seek advice from someone they trust and someone that genuinely has their best interest at heart.  When my friends are in healthy, loving relationships, I have always been super excited for them.  Their relationships serve as an example that true, real love is possible and plausible.  It helps give me a realistic sense of how long-term relationships work.
When I worked for an organization last year in Dallas, I had the privilege of befriending two slightly older ladies- both black and both married.  I am most grateful for those friendships because these ladies were soooooo open and honest about the inner workings on maintaining a happy work/life balance.  The love and commitment they had for their men was abundantly clear, however, it was also clear that commitment is work, hard work.  Love is easy.  Lauryn Hill once commented about how when you go to Disneyworld, all you see is the beauty, but they took her behind the scenes and had a chance to see the real laborers and the machines and the grime and grit it takes to make everything work.  I feel that is what these ladies did for me- take me behind the scenes.  What it taught me was that I had a long way to go before I was really ready to be in a lasting and fruitful relationship.  There were still lessons I need to learn, pride I needed to let go, and still personal goals I needed to achieve on my own before I dare even think about bringing another person into the equation.  Out of those real conversations, I decided to write and document my journey for myself in the effort to make sure my lessons are retained and that just maybe I can provide a short cut for someone that has been in similar situations because I definitely took the long way!
All of that to say, genuine people give genuine advice- man or woman.  And truly only women can understand the complexities and intertwining that come with being a woman- irrational moments, love, lust, wants that contradict needs, and just trying to hold it all together.  As a woman, I try to find the balance between my emotions and plain ol’ common sense.  Most times, I can make them intersect.  Other times, I need to call a friend- a woman, who has been there, and not afraid to open up the back entrance to show me the behind the scenes view of the how to make this thing work.

I found the link I referenced!

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5 Responses to Rather Hear It From a Man?

  1. I could not disagree more with your assesment. Women tend to reinforce each other rather than hold them accountable. Besides you think like women. Asking another woman about man problems is sort of like a guy asking his buddies what it feels like to be pregnant. A prime example is Sex In The City. Carrie was clueles about men and when she had men problems, she went to her posse who were equally clueless.

    If you are having man problems, you are always better off talking to a trusted man.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

    • I believe more often than not women hold each other accountable. Furthermore, before a woman to address man problems, she first has to be real with herself – as a woman. Men are just as likely to avoid conflict and have ulterior motives. The key is to go to a trusted person regardless of gender, but definitely not to disregard solid information because it is coming from a woman. That is sexist and illogical.

  2. Pingback: Rather Hear It From a Man? « The Mocha Café | Adult Society

  3. Mr. Fantastic says:

    I disagree with both of your assessments and say that there is no ONE side to go to in times of relationship problems. I think in terms of problems in which you feel you don’t understand what your partner is thinking or feeling when they act a certain way, you should probably go to men. But if you’re having difficulties understanding what YOU are feeling or thinking in a situation, perhaps you need the female perspective to help sort it all out. As a man, I can’t explain what your feelings are much like you can’t explain mine. Everybody has their roles.

    But when truly in doubt… why not ask the GUY you’re dating for perspective? Either he’s trying to make it work so he’ll let you know his thoughts, or he’s an emotion ninja and he’s going to hide everything from you and thus is probably not a healthy relationship anyway.


    Mr. Fantastic

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