Football Watch Parties: A Guide for Non-Fans

Welcome to another edition of Light Fridays…

Most of you know last night marked the start of the NFL’s regular season.  It should be a national holiday.  What you probably didn’t know is that it also marked the start of when some females begin to use the sacred game of football to prey on men.  I’ve already explained my love for the game here, and actually it is a sentiment shared by most of my female friends.  However, when a woman shows up to a watch party in a tight mini dress and 5-inch stilettos, you can pretty much assume she is not there to watch the game.  And you know, I am not mad at her…not for the outfit at least.  What upsets me are the interruptions and distractions from the game in an effort to get smashed attention.  So in an effort for those women to be less obvious and less annoying, I am giving a guide to how to properly watch the game when among real football fans.
  • Google It. I know you would think while the game is going on would be a good time to learn more about the game, but it is not.  Commercials MAYBE a little bit better.  But asking what happened after every play is annoying.  Furthermore, playing dumb has never been cute.  Be resourceful and use that expensive phone.  To help, the basic rules can be found here.  However, all I think you really need to know is the difference between an extra point and field goal is and that a touchdown is only 6 points, not 7.  That should be enough to begin to impress him.
  • Fall Back. As women, we like to be the most important thing in a man’s life.  However, you don’t want to compete with a football game.  It is not even a fair debate.  Real love is understanding his love for his game and finding something to do for 3 hours.  Or just chill out, relax, and observe him and his friends watching the game.  You may actually pick up on a few things to add to your repertoire of football knowledge.
  • Pick a Team. It doesn’t matter what team you pick to cheer on for the day, just pick one.  The game is much more fun to watch when you are rooting for a team.  If they win, you are happy.  If they lose, well you won’t really care because you don’t like football.
  • Play Your Role. Actually, the best advice is to be yourself.  If you don’t like something don’t pretend to just to get someone.  The truth will come out.  It is fine to be sociable and attend events with no interest in the game.  If sports are not your forte, then maybe being an awesome host is the way to stand out.  Or find other people who are there more for the social scene versus the game as well and talk to them.  But do us a favor and keep it down!
Anyway, HAPPY WEEK ONE OF FOOTBALL to all of the fans! Let the games, fantasy leagues, and trash talking begin!!

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One Response to Football Watch Parties: A Guide for Non-Fans

  1. Mr. Fantastic says:

    There are other tips to garner attention. And since its fun Fridays I’ll share.

    High Fives and Ass Smacks – Guys sometimes do this when things are going their way in sports. Imagine the added bonus when they get to do it to their (or someone else’s) girl. Yeah Go TEAM !!

    Cheerleader Outfits – We don’t care who you’re rooting for WE’RE rooting for T-I-T-S TITS! TITS! TITS!

    Fellatio – Sure its not time for conversation, but who talks with their mouth full anyway? Very uncouth. Go ahead and slip a penis in your mouth. But only in the 1st half. In the second half its way too tense and might donkey punch you if his team throws an interception. Besides the back of your head makes a great place to put the chip bowl.

    Don’t mind me.

    Dictated. Not Read.
    Mr. Fantastic

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