Vacationing

As I stated last week, I was super excited about coming home.  In lieu of that I will take this week off to spend time enjoying my family and friends and those most important to me.  So no new posts for the rest of this week which I feel will give me the time to really enjoy life’s precious moments.  However, I look forward to resuming next Monday as I have so many new ideas already since arriving home, and I can’t wait to share them.  Also in the coming weeks, there will be some changes and growing, so get ready! It will be awesome!
As always, thank YOU for the continuous support.  Feel free to catch up on any posts you may have missed!

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Still Clubbing????

Welcome to another edition of Light Fridays


I have absolutely no desire to still be clubbing at 40 years old.  None. Whatsoever.  While I have never been a frequent clubber, I am not sure when I will be ready to call a complete quits on clubbing.  This week in trying to figure out what the move will be for Howard’s Homecoming, I asked some 20 people or so what their plans were for that weekend.  One lone person stated he is probably not hitting up the club scene but looking for something low key at someone’s house.  I called him an old man.  But truthfully, the thin line for when it is still acceptable to be seen at public party scene and when such sighting is absolutely ridiculous is indeed on the horizon.

It is tragic when you didn't realize you are too old to still be doing this! I don't want to my memo.

I can’t say for sure when my last hurrah at the club will be.  I love to dance.  While most of my dancing is often done in my living room, it is hard to duplicate the energy of a real DJ and other people to, you know, dance with me.  During homecoming that energy is multiplied several times over, and it is just so much fun to catch up with everyone.  Actually, I use catch up very loosely…maybe to see everyone is more appropriate.  The truth is with the music blaring and the alcohol consumption levels not much catching up is taking place at the club.  It is crazy fun nonetheless.
I know one day, I eventually will move to a point when I will host the homecoming party at my house.  All of our kids will get to know each other as they play in the game room.  The adults will be in the living room really catching up and reminiscing on how we lived it up back in the day.  But for right now, I will continue to make the memories now for later.

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The Grind

It is impossible to go a day in the life of social networking without seeing a status or tweet referring to the grind.  It seems that everybody is on some sort of grind.  I would dare to say that most of the grind is really 95% in their heads and the rest can actually be accredited to some actual physical progression.  Whether the grind is real or fictional, I am tired of hearing about it.  I would much rather you show us- your results, that is.
I am fortunate enough to be surrounded around a vast array of people making a significant impact in their respective careers and communities.  Regardless if I know them personally or merely an acquaintance, I can constantly find inspiration on my news feeds and timelines.  However, the inspiration is not a status per se but rather newspaper articles, video footage, and links displaying the success in their fields.  That moves me.  It motivates to press forward.
Beyond the personal success stories, it is the success of those whose life’s work is dedicated to serving others that sets the standard in life goals.  Success that makes an impact on our communities is what I use to gauge where I am and where I want to be.  It is what separates the businessmen from the community leaders.  I truly believe that you can have both- servanthood does not have to be sacrificed in order to establish profit. Furthermore, it is those that see social, political, academic, and economic progress as the true reward that are the most inspiring.
So this post is to those that grind, but it is such a way of life that it warrants no status, and for those that don’t even have time to update a status at all.  That is the true grind.

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Love Is Not a Guessing Game…

If there is one thing I’ve learned (or relearned) recently, it is that love is not vague or ambiguous.  We have all been there where we are trying to figure what someone’s words or actions really means.  Women are especially prone to dissect every word of a text or tweet to find some latent, underlying deep profession of love- that 99% of the time is not there.
When you like someone it is easy, for both men and women, to create their own fantasies about a relationship that can have absolutely nothing to do with reality.  For example, if a lady goes out on a date with a man twice, he may say that she is his girlfriend when in reality, she is not.  Women often take the activities immediately before and immediately after a sexual encounter to mean more than the just sex it is.  Anything done right around that time span is just a mean to get sex and get more sex, it is not a relationship nor the foundation for one.  Then there are often the gray lines of friendship and sex where you can love a person as a friend and love the sex but doesn’t mean that one is in love with you or wants to go beyond the parameter of a friendship.  But as emotional creatures, as a defense mechanism and to justify our unsupported impulses to garner love, we hang on to the belief that there is more just if—the time was right, or he was single, or I tried a little harder, or I was a little smaller, or a little freakier. Or (my favorite) “I don’t even want a relationship” claim.   While some may not want a relationship, it is the ones that state that sentiment that yet do very “relationshipy” things in order to prove they are in fact relationship material.
Love, however, is not a guessing game.  It is very clear about its identity and goes through every effort to make it known to its intended recipient.  Love is full of the “good mornings” and “how is your days.”  It is the listening. digesting, and recalling.  It is caring enough to be moved into action.  Love is transparent and it is available.  Love is never too busy to return calls, texts, or emails.  Love prefers to see you over a call and a call over a text.  It is personal.  Love is not a subtle hint or a hidden code.  And while it can be shown in countless ways depending on the individual, it will always be an effort outside of your normal comfort zone.  It makes sure it leaves with no question about what it is and what its purpose is.  It is kinda obvious.

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Coming From Where I From

I’m pretty excited about going home this weekend. Yes, I will always refer to Dallas, my hometown, as home.  And while, I have always been eager to move away , I can never stay away for too long.  I’ve always understood that this place and those relationships are the core of my existence.
Specifically, I enjoy my time spent with older and elderly people.  In D.C most of my time is spent around my peers.  All of my jobs up until now have also been mostly ran and employed by people in my age group.  The level of comfort among people in your age group, regardless of position, is one of the things that make this city so fun.   Nevertheless, I miss spending my Sunday afternoons over one of the elders from the church’s house and just listening to their stories.
There is one older gentleman in particular whose house I used to visit for hours upon hours.  His home was one that anyone that knew him could just drop in or if you saw the patio open just step on in.  It was warm. As a child I would fall asleep on the couch and miss some of the life lessons shared in that home or on that patio.
This man married the love of his life for some 50+ years.  He loved her until the day she passed away which will be 15 years ago next week.  Well, really, if you talk to him today, he will still tell you that she is still his wife and the absolute love of his life.  And when people ask him if he would ever remarry, he would reply “I’m still married.  I promised to be with only her until the day I die, and well she would kill me if I had another woman up in her house.” Even as a young girl, I knew what they had was what I wanted.
He would also tell stories of growing up as a sharecropper and surviving the Great Depression, World War II, and Jim Crow.  He is not one to brag, but eventually I would ask about his roles in the local NAACP chapter and how used his business, community, and church to bring attention to the national civil rights movement and local concerns for social justice.
As he spoke, I envisioned him as a child, as a young man, and his progression up until the older man I see today.  It is through his stories that I am reminded that everything is only for a season and we are designed to grow. Yet, the most important thing he shared was his mistakes, the things he wished he would have done better, and oddly enough, the things that even at this point of his life where he still seeks improvement.  In a world where everything is instant and tries to give the illusion of perfection, it is home where I like to slow down, turn off the blackberry, and just enjoy these kinds of moments and learn something new about life.

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Is It All Out of My System?

Recently, I was posed the question, “Have you done everything you wanted to do as a single woman?”  I answered confidently, “yes.”  It wasn’t until long after the conversation was over as the question still lingered as I begin to really dissect both the question and my response.  I was baffled because I wondered why I, in all of my relationships, had never been asked that question before.  Moreover, I wondered why I, in all of my genius, have never thought to pose this question before now.  If I had stopped to ask this before, I am positive I would have saved myself a lot of time and heartache— but then again, I wouldn’t have been able to answer “yes.”
Initially when asked, flash frames of everything I have done passed quickly before me.  I’ve done a lot.  I even reflected when my friend read an excerpt from The Single Girl’s Manifesta stating that you should go on 20 no-strings-attached dates before settling down….or something to that regard.  I have dated plenty, a few times over that number.  I was even lucky to fall in love a few times.  I was blessed to have my heart broken because it was that pain that facilitated my growth.  I have had more than enough experiences to know exactly what I want, and more important, what I need.  I have travelled both domestically and internationally.  I have witnessed and now know my own strength and resiliency.  I have lived with others and have lived on my own.  But, I wondered, if that was enough…
People undervalue the benefits of being single.  There is no checking in, no explanations, no accountability… I realized I was being childish.  I have to check in and be responsible in every other facet of my life.  I am held accountable for everything I do or omit- professionally, academically, spiritually, and financially.   Why should relationships be an exception?
However, as the question continued to haunt me, I thought more about the things I haven’t done.  The list is endless.  Then I concluded I was asking myself the wrong question.  The real question is, “What have you not done that you don’t want or can’t do within the confines of this relationship?” I replied out loud to myself, “Nothing.”

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Wanted: A Househusband

Welcome to another edition of Light Fridays…

I have been fixated with the notion of a househusband for a while now. While I am not a fan of the Real Housewives series, it seemed to the revive the housewife movement making such lifestyle trendy and desired.  What took some thousands of years to accomplish in the feminist movement for social equality was all undone within a year or so. Contrarily, I am not opposed to the need and desire to be a housewife for its intended purposes of providing a supportive and stable home for your children and family rather than the to spend the day shopping and doing “lunch” with other “housewives.”
It is for the intended purposes of the original concept to provide a supportive home to our family that leads me to desire a househusband.  A househusband will cook, clean, pick up the kids, go over homework, and manage the household. What will I be doing?? Well, I will be working of course.  I also want to go to school.  And there is, of course, having the babies. I think that notion alone warrants a househusband, right?
I am open-minded, though, progressive even.  I don’t mind him having a home-based business or working from home as long as he can balance the needs of the family. I mean the common goal is to raise brilliant and productive children that will in turn lead their people and country to greatness.  Why can’t the man play a prominent role in that goal…at least until I get a Dr. in front of my name?

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Reflections of a Sick Lady

Man, I missed ya’ll…

So feeling like you are near death has a way of giving you a brand new perspective on life.  It will also teach you a few lessons on life.  The first lesson is to follow your doctor’s orders and not improvise with my own remedies and substitutions.  Well actually, that is all I learned this week.
However, as I reflected, I realized I have nothing.  I own nothing.  It kind of made me sad because when I planned my life out at 18, by this point I would have lots, plenty, and an abundance.  Yeah…very little about that plan has turned out as I predicted.  Contrarily, the only things of value I have are the relationships established over time.  It is weird the people that God throws in your life.  I am often surprised that the people you least expect become the best of friends and the people you expect to be great fall short.  Despite this, love is consistent.  It exchanges hands often, it increases or decreases depending on its supplier, but the balance of love always remains intact.  This makes it easier to let go of and move forward when you know that the love supply in our lives will always be replenished by someone.
Well, I did learn another lesson. Those who love are there to help carry our load and vice versa.   It is easy for me to fall into superwoman mode and think I can handle it all by myself.  Or moreover, that my problems and shortcomings are nobody’s business.  And while it is a fine line to tow, I am blessed that I have people I can share the things in which I struggle or projects and aspirations that I am working toward.  These people help hold me accountable – both to myself and to my dreams.
After further reflection, I do own two more things.  I own my actions which lead to my progress… or my demise.  And I own my words that either speak life… or destroy.  People don’t put enough stock into these things nowadays.  But I see them as the most valuable thing I will ever possess.  These along with my relationships,  will bear my prosperous future.

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I Didn’t Want to Know Her Name

I told him I didn’t ever want to know her name.  Her is his ex.  I explained that in this case, less is more.  The less I know, the better.  You see before, I wanted to know it all – name, pictures, how often they communicated, etc.  It may have been the beginning of the end for my last relationships.  It was then when I lost control of our present worrying about his past.
As women, better known as detectives, it is easy to become completely consumed in wanting to know everything about any woman that may even think about every wanting to come close to your man.  It becomes a full time job.  Conversations with your man turn into interrogation sessions.  It is a red-flag of insecurity that I used to wave.  It is almost like there is a training course for insecure women to train insecure women on how to be more insecure.
Men are much different in that most time, and within reason, they could care less about their woman’s past.  Most times, a man’s confidence after he gets the girl is unmovable.  However, I still decided I will limit my conversations about my past escapades.  It is not that I have anything to hide, but because like me, I want him to focus on us and not my past.  It is a delicate balance being an open book yet exercising discretion.  But the reward is that despite our pasts, we can focus our energy on building our future.

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Football Watch Parties: A Guide for Non-Fans

Welcome to another edition of Light Fridays…

Most of you know last night marked the start of the NFL’s regular season.  It should be a national holiday.  What you probably didn’t know is that it also marked the start of when some females begin to use the sacred game of football to prey on men.  I’ve already explained my love for the game here, and actually it is a sentiment shared by most of my female friends.  However, when a woman shows up to a watch party in a tight mini dress and 5-inch stilettos, you can pretty much assume she is not there to watch the game.  And you know, I am not mad at her…not for the outfit at least.  What upsets me are the interruptions and distractions from the game in an effort to get smashed attention.  So in an effort for those women to be less obvious and less annoying, I am giving a guide to how to properly watch the game when among real football fans.
  • Google It. I know you would think while the game is going on would be a good time to learn more about the game, but it is not.  Commercials MAYBE a little bit better.  But asking what happened after every play is annoying.  Furthermore, playing dumb has never been cute.  Be resourceful and use that expensive phone.  To help, the basic rules can be found here.  However, all I think you really need to know is the difference between an extra point and field goal is and that a touchdown is only 6 points, not 7.  That should be enough to begin to impress him.
  • Fall Back. As women, we like to be the most important thing in a man’s life.  However, you don’t want to compete with a football game.  It is not even a fair debate.  Real love is understanding his love for his game and finding something to do for 3 hours.  Or just chill out, relax, and observe him and his friends watching the game.  You may actually pick up on a few things to add to your repertoire of football knowledge.
  • Pick a Team. It doesn’t matter what team you pick to cheer on for the day, just pick one.  The game is much more fun to watch when you are rooting for a team.  If they win, you are happy.  If they lose, well you won’t really care because you don’t like football.
  • Play Your Role. Actually, the best advice is to be yourself.  If you don’t like something don’t pretend to just to get someone.  The truth will come out.  It is fine to be sociable and attend events with no interest in the game.  If sports are not your forte, then maybe being an awesome host is the way to stand out.  Or find other people who are there more for the social scene versus the game as well and talk to them.  But do us a favor and keep it down!
Anyway, HAPPY WEEK ONE OF FOOTBALL to all of the fans! Let the games, fantasy leagues, and trash talking begin!!

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