Black Women are Enablers

I am fully aware of the gross generalizations I make on behalf of black people.  It is done intentionally because it takes too much time to dissect the exceptions.  And everybody wants to be an exception but the majority of us fall in the generalizations hence the dire state of our communities and families.  As a result, I have decided to start a new column entitled “All BLACK Everything.”  Yes, I know I stole the title but it fits the contents.  Without any further ado, let’s get into it…

I would love to meet the first black woman who had a black man and after he cheated took him back.  I would love the meet the pioneer of enabling black men.  I’m sure he said he only loved her, and it was only one time, and he would never do it again.  I would bet he did it again.  In my mind, I imagine him telling his boys and his boys being like “word, son she didn’t kill you?” and he replying “not even, we had make-up sex that night and everything. Crazy, right?”  I imagine her heartbroken and confiding in her girls but only pointing out the good he does as she justifies the reasons to why she kept him.  Maybe she convinced these women it was the right thing to do too.  And when his boys cheated on her girls, these women too forgave those men and from there the sickness of enabling begin to spread.
Cheating is so commonplace nowadays it is almost expected.  Women expect to be cheated on and men expect to be forgiven time and time again. The lying- well, we almost encourage it.  Tell us anything but the truth.  At least that applies to half of black women, the other half prefer the truth.  So all a black man has to determine which woman you are- the one that needs to be lied to or the one that wants to hear the truth about his frequent indiscretions.  So why wouldn’t a man take advantage of this?  He can have both the woman he loves in addition to any others that may catch his eye along the way?  Hell, I would sign up for that myself.  After so much forgiving and loving, for the man it doesn’t even feel wrong after a while, the guilt fades eventually, and wrong becomes the standard.  Anything slightly above wrong is praised by his woman.  “Girl, as long as he knows I am his number one.  He comes home to me.”   Well, isn’t that what he is supposed to do??  And being one out of many is nothing to boast about in terms of a supposedly committed relationship.
What if black women had a standard of having to be the only? What if black men had to emotionally and physically commit to keep their woman?  I expect women would gain power and find strength in realizing their value.  I suppose black men would step up to the challenge because at the end of the day they want to be loved too.  And honestly, it only takes one self-respecting woman that knows her worth to replace the twenty that didn’t.
I can’t help but wonder if the pioneer of enabling had simply cut her losses and kept it moving and left her man alone to wallow in his regret and comprehend the severity of his actions.  I wonder if he would have take the lessons he learned in that failed relationship into his next promising himself to not ever make that mistake again because cheating actually cost him much more than it was worth…

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4 Responses to Black Women are Enablers

  1. null says:

    Why does this have to be an issue of “black” relationships. This happens everywhere and in every race… Black people didnt invent cheating, nor invent “enabling cheaters”…

    • I agree, but at some point black people did adopt standards invented by others. It is a black problem whereas just an issue with other races because black women are dearly paying the cost of continuing to allow trifling behavior become the standard. Black women are getting HIV at an alarming rate, black children are more than twice as likely to grow up in a single parent home than our white counterparts, the black family structure in most cases is non-existent. All from what I feel in part stem from allowing weak men to be weak. Unfortunately, the playing field in not even across the board and issues within the black communities are grossly magnified…and in some cases fatal.

      • null says:

        I could say I wanted to agree with you…but i cant

        All the issues you point out are societal issues and not black issues.

        I cant think of a single asian-american single parent family. And that is 100% due to the fact I dont know that many. It doesnt mean they doesnt exist. And you can plug in “with aids”, “with a cheating parent”, “with a child selling drugs” and it be the same. It simply is not a race thing.

        Maybe your whole “its a black thing” is because that is likely who you are around the most.

        And that “black children are twice as likely to grow up in a single parent home” isnt true. The leading group with single parent homes is Caucasian women aged 20-24. Maybe you should stop believing the hype.

        • Actually my immediate surroundings are well, but i am not blind that is not an accurate representation of the whole, at least not yet.

          I don’t believe hype. I volunteer and engage in my communities and listen to the war cries. But here are some facts.

          http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam.html {{then download the data below that gives data up to 2009. Do those calculations. There ARE problems with in the black family and communities. I will not pacify it. It needs to be addressed.

          Table CH-2. Living Arrangements of White Children Under 18 Years Old: 1960 to Present
          Excel (27k) | CSV (8k)
          Table CH-3. Living Arrangements of Black Children Under 18 Years Old: 1960 to Present
          Excel (28k) | CSV (9k)

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