…And to Obey Him
June 7, 2010 9 Comments
This weekend I had the opportunity to finally watch the animated movie 
Up. It was the tale of a man who marries his childhood sweetheart. When his wife dies, he devotes the remainder of his life to fulfill her childhood dreams. It was a beautiful depiction of lifelong devotion and commitment to love and a person. But how do you really know this is the person whom you are meant to share the rest of your life?
I begin to think about a conversation some friends and I had at a friend’s wedding some months ago. The conversation was centered around the more traditional vows that were exchanged during the ceremony. “..Do you take him be your lawful, wedded husband for as long as you both shall live, to love him, cherish him, honour him, comfort him, respect him, and to obey him according to God’s Law?” It had been years, at least ten, since I had heard the “and to obey him” included in the vows. We, as women, have gotten away from those terms and detest the notion of being obedient and submissive to a man.
However, what if that was the tool for determining the man a woman should marry- one she would obey? Obedience over the years has gained a bad rep for no apparent reason. Children used to obey their parents. Employees used to obey their boss. Wives used to obey their husbands. Then, when obedience was prominent, our communities were certainly better…
Obedience first requires respect which I can only imagine is useful, if not vital, in a marriage. I would say, the next ingredient in obedience is trust. Trust is often only associated with fidelity. However, the greater need may be for a woman to trust her husband to make the best decisions for his family. This trust in him is that he will put his needs and wants behind those of his family. For me, this would be a solid indicator of husband material because I don’t think there are too many men that can match my brilliance. You see, women often catch the details most men miss and add the compassion some men lack. I am often forced to add a woman’s touch to ensure success of any project. So a man that not only sees the big picture but pays attention to the details with delicacy and care distinguishes himself from the pack. Such a man deserves those eternal and traditional vows of obedience. He would in turn take the vow to be the devoted and committed husband of the movie Up.
The Mocha Café 
For me, vows are a quick reminder to the ppl at the wedding what we expect out of our marriage. But looking deeper into bibical terms, submission or obedience (when use appropiately) is a beautiful thing. It’s believing that your husband is who he claims to be. Submission started to get a bad rap when marriage became more of a selfish endeavor instead of a life-long commitment. Now, people see marriage as a business deal. If the business isn’t working then end the arrangement. Also, God requires much of a husband as well. Maybe something even greater than submission. He requires a man to love his wife as Christ loves the church. That is a serious unselfish devoted and irreplaceable love. When we start to realize that when we give of ourselves we gain more than being selish and taking then more marriages may start to stay together. Being able to be with the best person in the world to me allows me to want to be submissive because I want to be everything he needs and him submitting to me is outside of who a man is. When we support him regardless of what we feel and think (unless it’s something illegal or wrong), we gain a protector and provider who will go above and beyond to give us the word because he knows he is safe with us.
Beautifully stated lady! The role of the husband does indeed require more than that of the wife which is why it is sad when women want to take on both roles instead enjoying the benefits of being the wife. But also men haven’t been taught how to be good husbands by their fathers anymore either. And people no longer value the institution of marriage, so you have this vicious cycle. But you are so right, it is most times self-driven instead of God-driven.
You’re right about that. No one taught us how to be good wives or good husbands. That’s why we have to look inside ourselves and be willing to do the work to become good spouses. Even at times I must admit that I didn’t even know what a good partner looked like or acted like. Then my older brother grew up and I saw the type of husband he is and saw the type of wives women in my church are and I had to learn from that. I’m only getting married once.
You hit it out fo the park again. Things always go better when you do it God’s way. Men live up to or down to how the woman treats him. Women largely determine the success or failure of a relationship. Men are not typically proactive but reacitve in relationships.
Treat him with lack of respect and lack of sex and he become sullen and withdrawn. Show him respect and obedience, he becomes very protective of you and your feelings. Give him sex willingly and lvingly without turning him down and you will beccome the love of his life that he would not think about cheating on.
Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder
Thank you John! And i do agree women that use sex as tool to control instead of as a means to connect intimacy the end result is never favorable.
I have once again reposted your blog on mine. Kudos again for a fantastic and brave post.
Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder
Thank you so much!
very nice post. being “obedient” is a big pill to swallow for women today but they are just missing the boat i think. it’s not about being submissive but being proactive. men do want to just protect us and take care of us if we let them. it’s in their nature
exactly! Men are natural protectors and it can be a beautiful thing. Thank you for the comment!