There is a Man
May 20, 2010 7 Comments
It would be easier for me to write about the dude who blatantly and repeatedly denied the paternity of his son since it is on the forefront of my brain right now…
However, I would rather tell you the story about the man, who when needed, interceded on behalf of another man that chose to be absent during the pregnancy of his child. This man cooked, cleaned, and carried the load of a friend that couldn’t do it all at the time. This man had no relation to this woman he decided to help and asked nothing in return; he just saw a need and decided to step in…or rather, step up.
And then I got to thinking about the man, who works days, go to school at night, and mentors at the community center on Saturday mornings. He teaches young boys how to enhance their math, reading, and writing skills. However, his presence teaches them a greater lesson: that you can be cool, black, young and successful without being an athlete, rapper, or entertainer. You see, he designs video games, and to these kids, he is way cooler than Kobe.
There is a man who takes pride in taking care of his child. He loves to play with him. He refuses to let his frayed relationship with the child’s mother interfere with the quality time he spends with his child. The idea of being a “weekend father” is ridiculous and insufficient to meet his standard of fatherhood…of manhood.
There is also a man, who decided to marry the love of his life. He felt she deserved the title since she performed the duties. He made the conscious decision if he started a family, it would be with her under the umbrella of marriage. He is committed to this one woman. She is his best friend. When she has a long day, he rubs her head until she falls asleep in her lap. This makes his day.
These men are under 30, degreed, drug-free, noncriminal, successful….and are black. But their story will never be told because the world doesn’t want you to know they exist.
The Mocha Café 
Love, love, love this! I, like you, know sooo many Black men that both step up and step in. We don’t hear that much about them but the sheer fact they exist is enough for me.
Yes, I agree. However, if more knew they existed than maybe the image of what it means to be a black man could be changed and destructive cycles could be broken. I know, lofty dreams! lol. 🙂
Thank you for your continued support B!
Agreed. Most of the reason it seems that Black men aren’t stepping up is because the ones that do get passed over for the ones that aren’t. I know single women around my age that already have 2-3 kids by 2-3 different men…..then they wonder why no men are interested in them for anything beyond sex….I’m thinking to myself, “Uh….you have likely already demonstrated that sex is also what YOU’RE all about as well….”
However, I kind of take exception to the concept of actually stepping in and taking care of another man’s child. Not something I am looking forward to doing…..especially since we live in a society where women seem to always end up with the men that don’t or can’t take care of their kids in favor of the men that do and can. (Or at least demonstrate the ability to do so, in my case.)
Just because a lady has kids but multiple fathers does not mean sex is all she is about. These women that you speak of do not enter these situation knowing from jump that the father will choose to be absent. It usually shows up later after the child has been conceived and these men are not equipped to handle the pressures of manhood or fatherhood.
These men mentioned above understand the complexities and ills that lie within the black community and decided to be a part of the SOLUTION instead of judging women they don’t know or tragic experiences they may have faced[and overcame].
One kid by one guy that decided to dip on you—OK, I might excuse that as an honest mistake.
But two, three, four kids by different men and you’re still a single mother? Nah—Now it’s a TREND….and not one I find appealing since I do not date women with children in the first place.
And if a man is not equipped to handle fatherhood and its responsibilities—-Why are women continuing to open their legs to these bums while the men that at least are capable of sticking by their women are overlooked? I guess women still want that ‘challenging’ man…..
I really like this so damn real. I almost feel like you talking about me. Black men don’t step up like they should. Someone needs to get out here and tell these young brothers that there is more to life then hip hop and sports. Our ancestors fought for us to have a chance to be educated and now we tell ourselves there is no time for that. The two young men I raise will learn this and if with my life I touch others then I will say I have succeeded.
First of all, i LOVE your name! lol! And it is about you and any other man that gets it done day and day out with little to no appreciation or acknowledgment. So keep doing what you do sir! Thanks for comment!