April | 2010 | The Mocha Café

Crush on You

April 30, 2010 Leave a comment

It is Friday, so I will keep it light today.

It was all so simple then

Back in day there were sock hops, field days, pixy stix, and crushes. That’s right, crushes. Back then you told one friend, that friend told 3 people, those told 7 people and eventually the word would make it back to the person of interest… and your local morning newspaper. Usually by this time, you were no longer really interested. The real excitement was the suspense of whether the crush knew or who will tell first. That was the fun part because after the crush knew the thrill dissolved.

But we are all grown up now, right? Meh, not so much. It was recently tweeted “Adult crushes are healthy.” I could not agree more. We live in a society that no longer values the “crushing” stage-the time it takes to see if you even want to get to know the person better before you enter the sexual realm. So I say, go ahead, have a crush. Have two or three. Then go get you a snow cone, put on some Hi-Five, and do the wop!!

Filed under Good Times, Light Fridays Tagged with black relationships, crush, hi-five, sock hops, throwbacks

I Can, But I Much Rather Not

April 29, 2010 Leave a comment

I’m a dependent lady. I say it with ease because I have been saying it since I can remember. I have never understood the fanfare of women proud to be doing it all on their own. That sounds like a very hard life to live. Am I capable of doing it all my own? No. I need family, friends, and colleagues -a solid support system. I have spent the last 28 years of life building such support system.

But do you need a man? Yes. I do not like taking out the trash, or mowing the grass, or sitting at the car shop. Sure I CAN do all of these things, but I much, much rather not. I thoroughly enjoy the perks of being a lady. I enjoy having doors opened, chairs pulled out, and him walking on the outside of the sidewalk.

My family and friends know I cook a marvelous ham and a wonderful turkey, but I can’t carve it. I have tried, I failed. I need a man to carve it. I do. Additionally, I’m a little short, a tad, so I often can’t reach things in high places. I could get a chair or stool and pull it over, climb up, climb down, replace the chair (sigh, I’m tired just from typing that). I would much rather to look around, find him watching me struggle and already approaching to help. You see? It is much easier this way- the way it was intended- to have someone to help, to balance, and protect. I personally don’t think it is nothing wrong with saying that aloud. We think it. Men, real men, pride themselves in it. I’m a lady that is proud of the remarkable abilities, undeniable strength, and uncanny resilience that encompasses womanhood. However, I can appreciate our innate limitations (men obviously have their own as well). I can embrace the value of having a good man.

Please note I am absolutely aware men do much more than the listed. This has been oversimplified and reduced in the interest of time and scope.

Filed under The Re-education Tagged with chivalry, gender roles

A Delicacy of Trust

April 28, 2010 Leave a comment

Trust: a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed

Black women do not trust black men. Maybe that’s not fair, maybe women do not trust men. I do not know who is the blame – the women or the men. Granted men do cheat and lie, but women at some point seem to enable and perpetuate the lying and the cheating. Black women are enablers…but I will save that for another day.

girl, get outta his phone

In Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too, I was in tears laughing at the character Angela’s role. Despite your feelings toward the overall movie, I believe most black men and women could relate to the arguments over the codes to cell phones. All of my girlfriends at some point have checked their boyfriend’s phone, email, facebook, etc. as a means to find out what their man is really doing. It can become a full time job and consumption of time and energy.

Then one day it hit me, why be with someone you don’t trust. It was such a novel idea; I don’t know why it took so long for me to get it. I remember the day, January 6, 2007, when I decided I would never check a phone, email, chat logs ever again. I have been hacking-free since that day. I have been FREE of drama since that day too. I have been FREE of negative energy and emotional drainage that comes with being the CIA of your man. I have been FREE of my own hypocrisy. I have been freed!

I made the decision then, if I have to check behind him and break & enter into accounts, he is not for me. If I don’t trust him, then he is not the man for me. It instantly eliminated so many from the pack and set a clear standard of what is acceptable. It was a reality check for not only men but for my own wrong behavior. The thought doesn’t even cross my mind anymore. It is no longer an option for gathering information. I go directly to the source if I have an issue. I ask him and listen to his response. I invite you to try it.

Ms “stop going through his stuff, girl, you tripping” Tryst

Filed under The Re-education Tagged with cheating, hacking, marriage, relationships, trust, why did i get married too

Journeying

April 27, 2010 3 Comments

It has been a minute…

I have made a few moves- some literally, some figuratively, all to get closer to my dreams. It has been a beautiful journey.

On this journey of life, it is vital to have a person that believes in you. I’ve always understood that much. It has always been family, friends, church members, teachers- those who you believe it is part of their duty and responsibility to believe, encourage, and aid in your personal aspirations.

As the journey of life continues, if you are doing right, you often get knocked down, disappointed, hurt, deceived, rejected. If you are willing to try, you often lose before you succeed. In a search for something, you often end up with nothing…or just regret. As women, we often allow those disappointments, regrets, and hurts cloud the image in the mirror. We find ourselves not reaching as far, not dreaming as big, not trying as hard, not expecting as much.

And if we are lucky on this journey, a man will come along, that not only loves us foggy-mirrored women, but wipes our mirrors. He clears the obstructions so you can remember your limitless potential, your extraordinary dreams, and your lofty ambitions. It is weird at first, an adjustment to say the least, having a man who seeks to build and not destroy. But his patience with you adjusts your vision of yourself, helps to facilitate your personal and professionals goals, and aides your spiritual growth. His love makes you remember what it was like to love before your first heartache. His love heals.

Filed under Good Times, The Re-education Tagged with black love, good men, healing, journey, love, relationships