His T-shirt

I don’t know when it became my favorite t-shirt. Not just my favorite one of his, but my favorite t-shirt overall. Over the course of our relationship, I probably had worn all of his tees as least once.  I had several at my place along with his socks, sweats, and basketball shorts, but I somehow along the way formed a special connection to this shirt.  In essence it represented who he was, and I suppose my inclination to the shirt was symbolic of wearing a representation of him.

kinda like this.

As most relationships do, ours eventually came to an end. And among the return of things that are his and what is mine, I had to depart from my favorite shirt.  It was a sad day, not because of the break up or the return of the things, but because I had to return his shirt- my favorite shirt.
As life progressed we parted cities, but not before he made sure he gave me back my, I mean his, favorite shirt. And with that thoughtfulness along with his shirt was always the possibility of more later, way later, much later down the road- but yet the possibility.  Of course, there have been other shirts since then. Some shirts I liked, others I really liked but no other shirts I have loved….no other shirts that I bonded with like I bonded with his shirt.
Well now, as I move again, I once again have to make decisions on what to take and what to leave behind. And maybe 6 months ago the shirt would have been a must-have. But now, after time I no longer to feel the need to hold on to his shirt any longer.  And I am hopeful that by leaving his shirt behind, leaves room in my dresser for a new shirt that I will love- even more than I loved his.

On Looking for Love…

It seems that everyone is preoccupied about one thing, a sentiment seemingly magnified in the south. You are probably thinking it is love, but it’s not.  It is validation through love.   It is easier for me to understand if it was love- to be on an endless pursuit of the purest form of love.  I mean that is noble. But to chop it up and reduce love and its pursuit to the superficiality of being validated exposes all inward insecurities.

Women often confuse the pursuit of love with the pursuit of validation through being loved.  Then they are often left with the bitterness of inadequacy after their quixotic efforts leave them unsuccessful and fruitless. No man, not feeling loved, and now defeat is a dangerous combination.

However, the key is often to refocus the goal to no longer searching for the outward validation but love itself.  Not the whimsical and romantic fantasies of never ever land, but the real and tangible relationships you have established over the years.  Love within families & friendships are the same components of love in romantic relationships.  The ones where you understand and appreciate differences, the ones that hold you accountable, and ones that celebrate victories and mourn defeat.   People are often conditioned at a young age to believe that romantic love is a huge leap from the hundreds of other loving relationships formed.  It has been the demise of relationships and marriages.  Two people looking for two different things or even worse, unable to define what they are looking for at all.  My standard is clear- a love that accepts, values, forgives, and believes. This will be my gauge, when love is comfortable and natural, holding no lavish pretense or conditions; if it resembles all the other proven examples of love, then that love shall be my own true love.

Ms. “love is accepting you as you are, yet seeing your unlimited potential at the same time”