I am not against interracial dating. I am not against black men being with white women specifically either. Like I have said before, I love people- all races and ethnicities. I have been extremely blessed and enlightened by countless people outside of the black Diaspora. My world is definitely all the better because of my interactions and friendships with these different groups of people.
There is definitely a market for black men that maybe should date white women. They have grown up in predominantly white neighborhoods, went to predominantly white schools, subsequently their social circle is mostly comprised of white people. In this case, I would see it only as a natural progression to date white women. It just makes sense. In all honesty, his persona may not translate well with most black women anyway unless they grew up in a similar environment. I wouldn’t be mad, do what you do.
There are also some black men that have grown up in majority black environments, but for one reason or another they have had no success with black women. They have consistently tried to date black women, but for whatever reason have been vehemently rejected by black women. I would much rather this man date outside of his race and be happy than continue to become rejected by black women and grow chronically bitter.
However, if you went to Howard a Historically Black College or University, and you date/marry a white woman, my heart will break. It stings like alcohol on an open wound. It hurts like the last blow before the count begins and the fight is over. These men have are fully aware of the dire state of the black community, the lack of a stable black family units, and the scarcity of educated black men, and made a conscious decision to be with a woman outside of his race. This action says that in a pool of similar educational background, socioeconomic status, values, beliefs, and mores yet beautifully diverse black women not one was good enough for you. That level of rejection is devastating.
It has been said, in some 75 years we will all be one race. All cultures and ethnicities would have been blended to create a truly post-racial society. But what is wrong with race and ethnicity as long as it is not used as a means to oppress? The problem has not been race for all races bring a unique beauty to this world in which we live and love. The problem is that race is still used a social construct to systematically inhibit and destroy people. The black Diaspora is full of a rich and wonderful history and that story needs to be told. Our communities need to be restructured and revived and black families are the key to social and economic justice. We are dying and being killed off an alarming rate and can’t afford to wait 75 years to see what may happen.
For these strong black family units to prosper, see the Huxatables, then we as black people, men and women alike, need to stop doing things for show, status, or experimentation… like dating white women. While all black men that have received a formal education are esteemed, black men that have been formally educated at an HBCU are rare, precious, gems that black women want to hold dear and close to their heart. They are supposed to understand and sympathize with our plight. They are supposed to be part of our solution. So when you asked,” What would you do if I brought a white girlfriend to Howard’s our homecoming?” This is why I went off and got loud and said “I wish you would.” It was because we value you, I value you, for the great black man… no, the gem, you are and want to keep you for ourselves. We, black women, have raised you, sacrificed for you, supported you and now that you have your respective degrees and great jobs we are just looking for a return on our investment because so many others were lost along the way. But I want you to really understand this, honestly, if we didn’t love you we wouldn’t care.
I love people-all people. Blacks. Hispanics. Whites. Asians. Indians. I have good friends from every box on the census form. I explain often that a great benefit of being back in D.C. is the ability to truly hang with people from any demographic. The vast majority of the south is still segregated. While in Texas, I was often asked by non-blacks how I obtained the texture of my hair. I was given shocked looks when I told them what neighborhood I lived in because whites would never dare go there at night. In my findings, a white person would base the entire black experience on their one black friend. These white people knew how many black friends they had off the top of their head. But I’m back in the nation’s capitol where, in my experience, the majority of people have no such logging system.
I say all of that to say, I am completely open to dating a man from any race. Absolutely. Intelligence, charm, humor, sexiness is not limited by race or hue. The single qualifier I have with regards to dating and race is that the man has a black mother. I know what you are thinking, if he has a black mother then he is black. However, this is not a form where you are forced to pick a box to stuff your entire identity. So he can identify himself with whatever race and combinations thereof he pleases. Additionally, white celebrities are adopting black children left and right, so he can possibly be black with a white mother. The man can also be multi-racial with a non-black mother. Both of these scenarios would not meet my established qualifier. On the other hand, a man can be non-black, but adopted by a black mother, and well he will get a pass.
A man learns so much about how to treat and handle women from his interactions with his mother. I know I am a lot to handle and nothing can prepare you for all I bring unless you have 18+ years of daily experience of interacting with a black woman. Here a few reasons why it is vital the man I date have a black mother:
1) The Look. There is a look that all black women master by the age of 2 that says, “I’m not playing with you.” This look is not to be confused with the “I don’t want to be bothered” look. And with a slight variation, the black woman can achieve the “I’m ready to go right now so wrap this convo up while I go get our coats” look.
2) The Need for Hot Sauce. Southern chef, Paula Deen, is proof that white and black people alike love soul food. Fried catfish, macaroni and cheese, red beans, and greens can be equally enjoyed by all. However, if my man brings home this as dinner and does not have hot sauce to accompany the entrée, there may be a war if he doesn’t comprehend why he must now go back out to get a bottle of hot sauce. Only by having a black mom would a man be prepared to bring his own hot sauce if the restaurant may not serve any.
3) How Not to be Easily Embarrassed. If you had a black mother, you have been embarrassed at some point because she went completely off on the white lady that didn’t give her the service she deserved. Or you might have done something out-of-line and received that strong backhand in public or in front of your friends. And have you been to a restaurant with a table full of black people?? The conversations are loud to say the least. We are a beautifully animated people but if this man doesn’t have a black mom, he may be embarrassed to be sitting at our table- the super-hyped and fun table!
So, if you see me hand-in-hand with someone that may not seem to fit the mold please know he has met this qualification!
Any other reasons why having a black mother is beneficial when dating black women??