If I See Him with a White Woman

I have purposely skirted around this subject only making inferences in The White Man I Would Date and a little more direct in To the Black Men that Love Black Women.  However, it has been requested several times that I tackle it head on, so here we go…

I am not against interracial dating.  I am not against black men being with white women specifically either.  Like I have said before, I love people- all races and ethnicities.  I have been extremely blessed and enlightened by countless people outside of the black Diaspora.  My world is definitely all the better because of my interactions and friendships with these different groups of people.

There is definitely a market for black men that maybe should date white women.  They have grown up in predominantly white neighborhoods, went to predominantly white schools, subsequently their social circle is mostly comprised of white people.  In this case, I would see it only as a natural progression to date white women.  It just makes sense.  In all honesty, his persona may not translate well with most black women anyway unless they grew up in a similar environment.  I wouldn’t be mad, do what you do.

There are also some black men that have grown up in majority black environments, but for one reason or another they have had no success with black women.  They have consistently tried to date black women, but for whatever reason have been vehemently rejected by black women.  I would much rather this man date outside of his race and be happy than continue to become rejected by black women and grow chronically bitter.

However, if you went to Howard a Historically Black College or University, and you date/marry a white woman, my heart will break.  It stings like alcohol on an open wound.   It hurts like the last blow before the count begins and the fight is over.  These men have are fully aware of the dire state of the black community, the lack of a stable black family units, and the scarcity of educated black men, and made a conscious decision to be with a woman outside of his race.  This action says that in a pool of similar educational background, socioeconomic status, values, beliefs, and mores yet beautifully diverse black women not one was good enough for you.  That level of rejection is devastating.

It has been said, in some 75 years we will all be one race.  All cultures and ethnicities would have been blended to create a truly post-racial society.  But what is wrong with race and ethnicity as long as it is not used as a means to oppress?  The problem has not been race for all races bring a unique beauty to this world in which we live and love.  The problem is that race is still used a social construct to systematically inhibit and destroy people.  The black Diaspora is full of a rich and wonderful history and that story needs to be told.  Our communities need to be restructured and revived and black families are the key to social and economic justice.  We are dying and being killed off an alarming rate and can’t afford to wait 75 years to see what may happen.

For these strong black family units to prosper, see the Huxatables, then we as black people, men and women alike, need to stop doing things for show, status, or experimentation… like dating white women.  While all black men that have received a formal education are esteemed, black men that have been formally educated at an HBCU are rare, precious, gems that black women want to hold dear and close to their heart.  They are supposed to understand and sympathize with our plight.   They are supposed to be part of our solution.  So when you asked,” What would you do if I brought a white girlfriend to Howard’s our homecoming?”   This is why I went off and got loud and said “I wish you would.”  It was because we value you, I value you, for the great black man… no, the gem, you are and want to keep you for ourselves.  We, black women, have raised you, sacrificed for you, supported you and now that you have your respective degrees and great jobs we are just looking for a return on our investment because so many others were lost along the way.  But I want you to really understand this, honestly, if we didn’t love you we wouldn’t care.