Black Men and The Hustle

Welcome to another edition of Light Fridays

One of the things I love about Black men is their ability to hustle, well, just about anything.  There are good hustles.  These generally tend to be of the legal nature and require the completion of a W-4 form.  There are also good illegal hustles but that is a whole ‘nother story.  But the defining characteristics of a good hustle are based on its ability to generate the most money, in the quickest manner, using the least amount of effort, and posing the smallest risk.

Then there are bad hustles, sigh. For instance, let’s say, there is a man you work with that every 3 weeks or so he comes around the office, insisting you switch from a service provided by a reputable company to a company you have never ever, ever heard of ever that somehow he is now an investor in or something.  Let’s say for instance, it is something important like cell phone service or… ELECTRICITY.  Then he goes on to explain if you switch, and watch a 5 minute video you too can sell electricity.  Sigh.  Sir, your hustle is failing.

So real quick, here a 3 ways to know your hustle is failing and you need to go back to the drawing board and come again:

1) Turnover Rate:  If you have to come up with a new hustle, every 3 weeks whatever you are doing is not working.  And more than likely it is not the product itself, but your lack of skills to promote…well anything.  If you have a certain skill set, and you believe in the product, then you should be able to stick with it for longer than a few weeks and in turn actually turn a profit.  Otherwise, you are in the ranks of the lowly crackhead that will find anything to come up on $20.

2) Product Placement:  Product placement works hand-and-hand with knowing your customers.  This weekend in Black beauty salons all across America will be a man selling Mother’s Day baskets, purses, perfume, jewelry, flowers, and weaves.  Why?  Because he knows his customer!  So he will be where they are, saving them both time and gas money trying to find a last minute gift.  Similarly, his brother, cousin, homie will be posted outside of the barber shop selling bootleg dvds and cds because he too has mastered marketing 101.  Contrarily, trying to sell bootleg electricity to established professionals shows you don’t know your customer…at all.

3) The Come Up:  You may have missed it but the most important thing in a hustle is the ability to come up…on money…and/or time.   Now the men, that are always outside of the barbershop and grocery stores I am pretty sure they don’t have a 9-5.  But they get to set their own hours, make their own rules, set their own prices, etc and thus comes up time wise.  The man that comes in to the beauty shop on Saturdays usually works for  UPS or Wal-mart, you know, where supplies are plentiful… so this is just a quick come up financially.  If you have to work a full time job and hustle full-time, and only come up $25, you need to rethink everything you are doing because you are an embarrassment to the hustle.

By the way, Happy Mother’s Day!   

We Ain’t Cool No More

Welcome to another edition of Light Fridays

Dear Gas Prices,

I guess there is no easy way to say this.  Sigh.  Where do I start?  When I first met you, you were so cool and fine as hell.  I mean like super sexy.  Man, I remember the first time I had to pump gas for my own use, you were $0.92 per gallon.  Woooweee.  You and I together were unstoppable.  We would be all over the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex.  Whenever you got low, I eagerly went to find some more of you.  A measly $10 was not going to come between me and you.  I would volunteer to pick up my friends, take them wherever they needed to go, and wouldn’t dare ask for gas money because they too were worth a few dollars’ worth of gas.  Sometimes, friends would sneak and leave $5 in the console.  I would be elated because that meant 5 whole gallons worth of gas.  I thought it would be blissful forever.

Then you started thinking I was taking you for granted.  You said I only hit you up when I need you.  I guess I never said thank you.  I figured you knew I appreciated you staying in shape, keep them numbers down.  I wish I would have said something before now.  But now here we are, and I am no longer find you remotely attractive.  You’ve let yourself go.  I am actually disgusted whenever I see you; so much so I just turn away when I am using you that way I don’t have to face how much you jacked me for until the last possible second.  Then I stare at my receipt full of regret and remorse wondering how in the hell we got here.

I know I need you. But I wrote this letter so you know we’re not cool anymore. Also, please stop with the automated pleasantries, it only annoys me further. Thanks.

Welcome to Cuddle Season

Welcome to another edition of Light Fridays

Well, the first snow of the season hit the DMV (D.C., Maryland & Virginia) today.  Accordingly, I have officially pronounced today the beginning of cuddle season.  *cheers* But if this winter is anything near the brutality of last winter, cuddle season can get boring real quick. The first 3 days are fun-filled.  After 6 weeks, it can be suicidal.

I don’t want any couples fun to run out being stuck in a winter slump and as such I came up with a list of must-haves to be prepared for this winter’s cuddle seasons.  You can only watch but so many movies.

1)        Games Galore: I am talking board games, cards, and most importantly a game system.  The staples include scrabble, a deck of cards, and monopoly.  The essentials are guitar hero and rock band and anything else that forces you get off that couch and move around.  What are we playing for???? Favors.  Massages, dinners, digging the car out of the snow…

2)        Have a Club. It is too cold for women to go out in high heels and short dresses just to dance and have a good time.  So create a club in your living room.  Dim the lights, turn up the music, pour the drinks and get the party going.  So what you have only one partner to dance with.  That is all you need.  At least he is not the ugly weirdo that sneaks up behind you in the club or the stalker that follows you around after paying for one drink or the perverted groper.

3)        Goodies. Besides candles and a battery operated light source, the most important thing you need is food. Lots of food.  But don’t just get the necessities; get some of your favorite things to snack on throughout the day.  While you are at the store you might as well get some chocolate syrup and some whip cream….for the hot cocoa, of course.

National Heroines: The Golden Girls

Welcome to another edition of Light Fridays

I am not sure why I was allowed to watch The Golden Girls at such a young age.  Of course, most of the sexual innuendos flew right over my head, but still highly inappropriate.  As an adult, I can appreciate the show even more for its unprecedented humor from a woman’s point of view.  Aside from the sex, The Golden Girls managed to touch on just about every social issue of its time from racism, interracial dating, unwed pregnancies, homosexuality, Alzheimer’s and other social injustices.

What the Golden Girls did to was open the door for women to have open and candid conversations about a once taboo topic- women’s sexuality.  It is because of the candid dialogue by these old horny ladies that subsequent generations of women have been able to express their wants, desires, concerns, and fears without the stigma of being unfairly labeled or ostracized.  In essence, this show helped catapult an entire movement of woman being able to freely express themselves sexually in music, movies, and literature.  While the rippling effects can be argued to have either positive or negative effects, I believe overall the dialogue did more good as a means to empower women.  The awareness and confidence in one’s sexuality can transpire to academic, professional, personal aspects of a woman’s life.

In addition to all of this, these ladies had the nerve to be hilarious, charming, witty, and some of the best comedic actors ever.  The chemistry and timing between these ladies has yet to be matched.  It is for these reasons, I believe the show deserves a national holiday.

Why Rappers Should Write Books… For Kids

Welcome to another edition of Light Fridays

With today’s youth sPelln eVERything liK DiSs, I am afraid of where our future is headed.  Once upon a time, it was embarrassing to not be able to properly spell words.  It was out this embarrassment, the need for spell check and autocorrect applications were developed to serve as a mechanism to avoid such shame.  But now, both youth and adults alike think this improper spelling and formatting are acceptable and preferred forms of communication.  I am afraid the Standard English language will be lost.

On top of that, we live in a digital society.  I’m not sure if my grandchildren will even have a physical library in 30 years because everything is in electronic form.  However, there is no substitute, not even the Kindle that gives the gratification of holding a book, turning its pages, even smelling the book, and then getting to the last page and completing the book.

All of this in mind, I thought it would be genius if rappers did in fact write books for children, our children.  But it would have to be some of the most influential artists of our time that could reach the younger generation.  There are several reasons rappers are the perfect candidates to getting black youth to read books:

Everybody Wants to Be a Rapper: I mean even Oprah wanted to learn how to rap. Rapping has been adopted as a universal form of expression regardless of age, background, education, or status for the span of four generations. It seems everybody, regardless of level of talent, wants to be a rapper which why it was genius that Def Jam released the interactive video game RapStar.  Now lets work on some interactive books for Leap Frog.

Metaphorically Speaking: What separates real emcees from gimmicks are their grasp of the English language.  Every thing from an extensive vocabulary, vivid imagery, transitions, and elaborate metaphors are prominent pieces of what make artists great.  A master and manipulator of language can show young people how important it is to be an avid reader and to how to use language to constructively express themselves.  Maybe then kids can use their words instead of violence as an outlet of their frustration with the social climate.

The ultimate goal is to get our youth excited about reading and writing well. Rappers can use their influence to generate positive results in both written and oral expression from our youth.  So I definitely tip my hat to Jay-Z with the release of Decoded early this week.  The book is selling out in some parts of the country, so hopefully a young black male that has never read for leisure is reading his first of many books.