September 2, 2010 Leave a comment
Have you ever went to your refrigerator for some milk and found the milk all chunky and almost in a solid form? It seemed only a couple of days ago, it was fine and still drinkable. Now the milk is expired, spoiled, and smelly. Absolutely grossed out, you wonder why you hadn’t noticed it earlier. Like milk, relationships can go way past their expiration date.
Women often prolong an expired relationship because they are fearful of being alone. Men usually stay too long beacause of convenience or misplaced obligation. A relationship can easily go months, or tragically years, before you are able to realize that it is way past its expiration date. And like milk, the longer you hold on to something that is no longer good, the worst the clean-up becomes. It is best to catch it early, cut your losses, and not continue to pour your resources into a spoiled, beyond-repair relationship.
Please understand there is a huge difference between normal and healthy disagreements versus toxic and dysfunctional relationships. And sometimes it is hard to decipher between the two when you think you are in love and are still in the relationships. From the outside looking in, or in hindsight, the lines are perfectly clear. This list is for those still inside a spoiled relationship and blinded to the lines.
1) Cheating. Cheating is really so commonplace nowadays that no one is ever shocked or disappointed by infidelity anymore. Well, that is only true if you are not in that relationship. When you are the one being cheated on, it is the worst. And while men are often the ones most associated with cheating, women cheat as well and, well, much better. However, cheating is a direction reflection of lack of maturity and focus on what you really want. Even worse, and the reason why you might as well leave, is that it destroys trust. Trust is the most critical ingredient in a relationship. It is the thing that separates friends from foes. And without trust, you end up treating the one supposedly love like a stranger.
2) Fighting. There is a huge difference between arguing and fighting. If you are no longer able to use your words to effectively communicate how you feel and thus have resorted to a physical expression of your disdain, then it is time to go. Hitting is a huge tell-tell sign of an unhealthy relationship. And let’s be clear, women hitting on men are just as wrong. There are no passes because you are probably not injuring him. If you can’t talk about it, keep it moving. Additionally, verbal abuse is real as well. If you are constantly feeling less than when you are around someone, then why be with that person? Relationships are intended to build up each other, not destroy.
3) Complete Dependency. You pay the bills, you cook, you clean, you have the only car, and you work. They do nothing. They contribute nothing. They have nothing. If a person is a continuous source of complete depletion of everything you have worked for then that person needs to go. With the exception of someone being in school, there is no reason to be in a relationship with someone that leeches off your love and drains your resources.
Break-ups are hard but there is life beyond that man or woman. Wasting valuable, nonrenewable time is tragic. Every now and then, you must put your emotions aside, and look at your relationship as if your best friend was in your shoes. Is it a relationship you would want them to leave? If so, then you must make that critical step toward your own happiness.
What a Toxic Relationship Looks Like 101