In Preparation for Her: The Wedding Edition
August 4, 2010 Leave a comment
August is here and we are in the midst of wedding season. Beautiful brides-to-be, in preparation for the big day, are constantly being offered unsolicited advice on how to perform their wifely duties. They need to be good cooks, good housekeepers, the best lovers on earth, so on and so forth. In essence, brides have the pressure to be perfect. So I found it only appropriate when my friend whose wedding date is quickly approaching posed the question, “What does her fiancé need to do to prepare to be a good husband [to her]?”
Grooms seemingly are only posed two questions: “Are you ready for the big day?” and “Are you sure you are ready?” There typically is not an onslaught of must-dos for the groom-to-be. Additionally, there is not an abundance of black husbands and fathers to serve as role models. And sadly, since the finale of The Cosby Show the portraits of black man as a husband, father, and businessman are scarce. As usual I took matters into my own hand and created a small council of married people- two wives, two men, none of which were married to each other. Per these conversations, I devised a list of things a man must do in preparation to be a good husband to his wife. It’s only right.
1) Lead by serving: The title of husband comes with a ton of responsibility. Now in addition to take care of yourself, you take on a family. Your personal needs sometimes take a backseat to the needs of the family. So while women are told to cater to their man, sometimes a man will have to cater to the needs of his wife and family. A great husband understands that by doing what is necessary to keep his wife happy, she will innately go above and beyond for their husbands. By serving her, you give her the morale boost needed to keep going. It is also a symbol of appreciation for all she does on behalf of the family.
2) I ain’t yo momma: Apparently men are prone to thinking their wife is supposed to be a replica of their mother. However, the wives expect the men to fully weaned before entering a marriage. T hat means don’t run to your mother after every argument. Don’t expect your wife to clean up after you daily. In other words, don’t make your mother a THIRD person in a two person union. It also means that you will have to use your words to communicate your thoughts, wants and needs and not pout like a child so the wife have to play the guessing game.
3) Be Married before you married. According to both men, you need to already be in full husband mode before you even make it official. Neither women nor men should expect a dramatic change overnight. And we all know practice makes perfect.
4) Patience. Seems obvious, right? However this is not so much in the dealing with nagging or arguments sense as it is to learn that everything will not come instantly. It is kind of like when you were single, and you wanted to go to get something to eat. It only took a few minutes to get dressed, leave the house, grab some food and get back. But whenever you add another person in the equation the amount of time it takes to get from point A to point B usually increases. The time triples when children are involved. In the marriage, things that were once simple are now a process and it takes patience to handle those old challenges as well as tackle the new challenges. However, this time it is different, now you have a wife dedicated to helping you tackle these challenges together. And well, that is the blessing of marriage.
*shout out the council*